A wise friend once told me to brace myself for my thirties. He wasn’t trying to alarm me but rather to prepare me. He explained that, in our society, our thirties are the decade filled with the most significant “firsts”—our first real career jobs, first marriages, perhaps our first babies, buying our first homes, and countless other monumental milestones.

But a major part of navigating these milestones is the ability to wear many different hats—literally and figuratively. As I walk down King Street East in the mornings, I can’t help but notice all the other women in their thirties walking shoulder to shoulder with me, carrying their large totes stocked with all the essentials to tackle yet another busy day.

Even as a mental healthcare provider and advocate, I can’t help but feel a little uneasy, projecting my own insecurities onto the sight before me. Are we all just supposed to be the same? Am I the only one feeling whatever I’m feeling at the time?

While we undoubtedly relate to one another on some level, the illusion of uniformity—born from nothing more than fleeting glimpses of each other—can’t possibly reflect the depth of our individual experiences.

In reality, we don’t all consider the same things essential. And sometimes, we hesitate to unpack our heavy totes in front of others—even each other—because we fear we’ve packed the wrong things. We worry about being judged. And honestly, who can blame us? As women, our individual choices are constantly being scrutinized.

Recently, I turned 33. Although I’m happy with my life so far and have always envisioned The 6ix 30’s as a cheeky hub where we navigate this wonderful yet often overwhelming decade together, I found myself paralyzed by the question: Where do I begin?

You see, I’m far from conventional by any means so, I feared unpacking my tote in front of you all for the first time. I turned to those who know me best, and the best advice I received was: Start from the beginning—now. I decided that this was also an approach I would like to apply to my life in general, starting right now.

So, with that in mind, and inspired by the wise words of Dr. Brené Brown —“You can’t get to courage without walking through vulnerability. Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.”—I’m going to unpack my tote and its essentials today.

Stay tuned & feel free to take what you need.